Scared of Lonely
by RiotLion
Summary: Evelyn Shepard returns from the dead and must face her lover Liara T'Soni after 2 years. It doesn't go as planned, and she must learn to balance her confusion and heartbreak with her important mission. M for language, alcohol, war violence, sex.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my first fan fiction in a VERY long while as I haven't really felt inspired by any fandoms until Mass Effect. This is an intro to just test the waters. It's going to be a much larger story that will mostly be FemShep/Liara with some Samara and possibly Aria. Will span meeting on Illium to the Shadow Broker DLC and beyond. Will contain many spoilers. Apologies as not all chapters will be beta-ed. As such, I will not take offense to anyone sending corrections. Enjoy :)

**Scared of Lonely**

_**Normandy-SR2**_

Evelyn Shepard paced in front of her desk, occasionally sparing glances at the picture frame by her computer. They were docking at Illium soon, and she would have to see Liara T'Soni. Not that she didn't want to see her. Hell, Liara was her lover not an attack squad of Collectors, but right then she was more scared of the young asari than any Collector or Reaper. It had been two years for Liara while it had hardly been any time at all for Evelyn having just woken up from dead a week or so earlier.

Until then, she had had recruitment and other missions to keep her occupied, but two of her dossiers brought her to Illium, and Liara might be the only one who would know how to get in touch with them. There was no more avoiding the inevitable. She had to confront Liara and see if those feelings they had were still there. Evelyn stopped pacing and picked up the picture. The night they spent together before Ilos and the short time after were some of Evelyn's fondest memories. She had closed herself off from other people for so long, but with everything they went through together, she couldn't help but fall for the asari, and she looked so beautiful in that picture. Placing the picture back down, Evelyn sat in her chair. Her mind was filled with questions: what if she gave up on me? What if she found someone else? What if she's changed too much?

Her thoughts were interrupted as Joker paged her over the intercom, "Illium ETA 15 minutes, Commander."

"Got it, Joker. Thanks."

"And Shepard?" he paused for a moment. "Good luck."

Everyone knew about her and Liara. They had no reason to keep it a secret after Saren's defeat, and Joker knew, as much as she didn't want to admit and would never show it, that if this wasn't dealt with, Evelyn would be a mess. The pilot knew her all too well. She didn't need to break down in front of Liara, and she didn't need any distractions on this mission, '_Hah, distractions_', she thought. '_Too late for that_.'

Standing up, she grabbed her visor, snapped it into place, secured her armor, and headed for the bridge, paging Garrus and Tali on the way. She would feel better seeing Liara with her two closest friends and currently most trusted squad mates.

Garrus and Tali reached the bridge moments after Evelyn. As they entered the airlock, Tali put her hand on Evelyn's shoulder, "Shepard, we'll wait outside while you talk to Liara if you'd like."

"We'll get some drinks ready at Eternity if you need them," Garrus added. Evelyn couldn't help but chuckle despite her mood. She knew bringing the two of them was a good idea; they always knew what to say.

"Thanks Tali, Garrus."

"Hey, it's the least we can do, Commander. After all you've done for us," Garrus said.

"We're ready, EDI," Evelyn announced to the AI.

"Matching interior pressure to exterior pressure. Stand by," EDI's voice came over the intercom. After a few moments that seemed like ages to Evelyn, the doors opened. With a deep breath, she stepped out onto Illium.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to everyone who subscribed to the story already. It really pushed me into finishing this sooner than I had planned. I hope you all enjoy the first real chapter.

Also, a bit about my Shepard: Paragon with small percentage of Renegade when necessary, Infiltrator, War Hero, Spacer.

**Nos Astra, Illium**

Evelyn, Garrus and Tali made it a few feet before being stopped by an armed greeting party of an asari and two synthetics, "Welcome to Nos Astra, Commander Shepard. We've been instructed to waive all docking and administration fees for your visit. My name is Careena. If you need information about the area, it would be my pleasure to assist you."

"That's a lot of firepower for a friendly welcome," Evelyn had to point out.

"We're the gateway to the Terminus Systems, Commander. That element of risk requires greater security. Liara T'Soni vouched for your party and paid all the fees you would normally incur. She also asked that I direct you to speak with her at your convenience. She's near the trading floor." Evelyn couldn't help but feel a small tinge of hope at the fact that Liara had gone and done all that for her, '_Maybe her feelings haven't changed_.'

"Thank you," Evelyn replied.

"Again, welcome to our city, Commander. Please enjoy your stay," with that Careena and her guards made way for Evelyn and her squad mates to pass.

Evelyn had never been to Illium, and when they rounded the corner, she was astounded by the beautiful view of the city. It was no wonder Liara decided to take up residence there; although, it was rather hectic and crowded, she was surprised the shy archeologist so used to lonely dig sites would choose such a bustling city, regardless of its beauty.

"There's the sign for the offices," Garrus pointed over across the shop kiosks.

Evelyn paused for a moment, looking in the direction of the trading floor. When they reached the glowing 'Administration' sign, she stopped at the base of the stairs with Tali and Garrus in tow.

"Shepard, we'll be at Eternity. Good luck," Garrus looked genuinely concerned for his Commander. "But, if it comes down to it, don't forget what I told you about reach and flexibility." His mandibles flared in what could only be construed as a smirk. Evelyn punched him playfully in the arm, "Hey now, Commander. I was only joking." Tali only shook her head at the two of them. She was used to their antics after all the time they had spent together on the old Normandy, and they never ceased to amuse her.

"See you soon, Shepard," Tali said, and the two aliens wandered off in the direction of the club. Evelyn walked slowly up the stairs and was met with an asari at a desk, "Hello Commander Shepard. Liara will be pleased to see you. The door is open for you," she said and gestured towards the door.

"Thank you," Evelyn replied. She waved her hand in front of the door, and it swished open. Liara was in the middle of a call, and Evelyn's eyes grew wide as she heard the young woman talk.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before. Few humans have. I'll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I flay you alive...with my mind," Liara's voice was dark, not at all what Evelyn would have expected to hear from the once so innocent seeming asari. Now she was making threats. The hope that she had built up previously dropped significantly. Then Liara turned around, "Shepard! Nyxeris hold my calls," before she had much time to react, Liara was against her, blue lips on her own, but the kiss lasted hardly a moment before Liara pulled away, a cold expression on her face. Yeah, that hope was definitely gone now, "My sources said you were alive, but I never believed...it's very good to see you." Evelyn chose to ignore the short-handed kiss for now. Maybe talking to her would clear things up.

"You have sources now?"

"A few. Sources, contacts, even a little hired muscle. I've been working as an information broker. It's the paid the bills since you...well, for the past two years. And now you're back. Gunning for the Collectors with Cerberus."

"If you know that, you know that I could use your help," Evelyn looked right into Liara's eyes, "I miss you."

"I can't Shepard!" hearing Liara call her by her last name was disheartening to say the least, "I'm sorry. I have commitments here. Things I need to take care of."

"Commitments here? What about us Liara? Is that not a commitment?" Evelyn tried to keep her voice calm, but her voice cracked at the end of that last question.

"Shepard, I...there are things beyond the two of us. I can't talk about it now, please," Liara looked away from Evelyn for a moment before speaking again, "but if there's any information you need, I can help with that. I know you're following up on some dossiers. Anyone on Illium?" Evelyn clenched her fists in her lap. Liara _had _changed, almost a bit too much for her tastes, but she was not going to get upset now. She needed the information, and if she got in a fight so soon, she might never find the two people she was looking for.

"Yes, there are two actually. Thane Krios and Samara," her voice was more steady than she expected it to be.

"The assassin. Yes. He arrived a few days ago. My sources tell me he may be targeting a corporate executive: Nassana Dantius. He contacted a woman named Seryna. Seryna has an office in the cargo transfer levels. Perhaps she can tell you where Krios is. As for Samara, she arrived recently and registered with tracking officer Dara. You can find Dara at the transportation hub."

"That was all just off the top of your head?" Despite being upset, Evelyn was genuinely impressed at all the knowledge Liara was able to give her without even a second thought.

"I'm a very good information broker, Shepard. The world of intrigue isn't that different from a dig site. Except that the dead bodies still smell."

"So, work is going well then?" Evelyn thought perhaps she could get a little more information from the woman before she left. She was a Spectre, and she still loved Liara. She wasn't going to give up that easy.

"It's busy. It's...crazy. It would be so easy to join up with you, like old times, but these aren't old times. I told you, I have commitments here. Things I need to take care of," she stood up and faced the window, seemingly lost in thought. Evelyn waited until she sat down again.

"Liara, you know I'd help you with anything. What kind of things do you need to take care of? Are you in trouble?"

"No, no trouble. But it's been a long two years. I had things to do while you were...gone. I have debts to repay. Listen, if you want to help, I need someone with hacking expertise. Someone I can trust. If you could disable security at key points around Illium, you could get the information I need. That would help me a great deal."

"Hacking a terminal sounds easy. Why do you need me?" Not that Evelyn was expecting an answer about their relationship, but it wasn't going to stop her from fishing for one.

Liara took a long second to answer, "I don't know anyone I can trust."

"If it'll help you, you know I'll take care of it," '_I'd do anything for you, my love'_, is what she wanted to add, but she didn't need to make it more tense than it already was. She could tell Liara was on edge, and she hoped getting this information would get Liara to tell her why.

"Thank you, Shepard," for the first time since Evelyn had entered, the cold expression left Liara's face, and she smiled briefly before resuming work on her computer. As soon as the door closed behind her, she took a deep breath, no, she was not going to tear up. She would just have to wait and see what happened after she gathered the data.

Evelyn nodded to Nyxeris and descended the stairs in front of the office. She decided it was best to meet Garrus and Tali at Eternity before she did the hacking job. There was a distraught woman near the entrance yelling about some obnoxious human in the bar, Evelyn had a feeling she would have to deal with it, which did not put her in any better of a mood.

As she entered, she saw Garrus and Tali looking worriedly at the bar. When they saw Evelyn walk in, they stood up to join her.

"It's an old friend of ours," Garrus said, the sarcasm obvious in his voice.

"Just what I need," Evelyn sighed and approached the bar.

"You're really holding out on me? I'm a man on the edge! I've got nothing to lose!" Conrad Verner berated the bartender. Evelyn decided to stand back for a bit and listen to what was going on.

"Uh huh," the bartender responded, she looked ready to throw him out.

"I'd do anything to get the job done! I'll go all the way without a second thought."

"Uh huh."

"You wanna see how far I'll go? I learned how to shove a gun in people's face from..." Evelyn took that as her cue to interrupt, "Commander Shepard?"

"Hey, if you know this idiot, can you rein him in before I slap his ass with a singularity?" the woman looked relieved someone had stepped in.

"Shepard? Is it really you? It's me, Conrad Verner! We met on the Citadel? I wanted to become a Spectre? Oh, uh, and then you shoved a gun in my face! You showed me what it meant to be truly extreme."

"Yeah, I remember. Conrad, and if you don't calm down, I may have to shove a gun in your face again," Evelyn had her hand on her holster. Conrad eyed her wearily.

"Shepard, you have to understand, this place is actually a front for a red sand dealer. I need to take it over to crack the ring."

"What? Who the hell told you that?" the bartender chimed in.

"The owner of that weapons store near the car port! She's an undercover cop."

"Listen, crap-for-brains," Evelyn couldn't help but smirk at the bartender's comment. "First, we don't sell red sand. Second, red sand is legal on Illium! You just need a license."

"But she said..." Conrad started.

"Listen, Conrad. I can handle it from here. Please, go home," Evelyn still had her hand ready at her holster. She didn't have the time nor the patience to be nice to him today.

"Uh, yeah, sure Shepard. It's really good to have you back," he waved, and Evelyn watched to make sure he left the bar before turning back to the bartender.

"Thanks for taking care of that crazy guy. Saves me from having to beat him to death with his own spine. That makes the other customers nervous. Anyway, this is Eternity, and I'm Aethyta, asari matriarch and bartender. Can I get you anything?"

"You have no idea how much I could use something, but I have something I need to take care of. I'll be back later though."

"Of course. I'll set up a tab at the drink kiosk for when you come back. I'll even give you a discount." Evelyn thanked Aethyta, and when she turned back around, she noticed Garrus and Tali had returned to their table across the room.

"Hey, Commander. How did it go?" Tali asked as Evelyn sat down across from her. Evelyn crossed her arms in front of her on the table and shook her head.

"Not great, but I have something to do for her. I need to hack some terminals. You guys can stay here if you want."

"You sure you don't want a drink first?" Garrus asked, his voice giving it away that he may have already had a good portion to drink, as he offered her a sip from his cup.

"I tried to slow him down, but you know him," Tali leaned over and said quietly to Evelyn.

"I can still hear you, Tali. I'm not that bad, am I?" he asked. Evelyn just rolled her eyes.

"I'll be back in a bit. Save some for me, Garrus." The turian shouted something about her being mean as she walked away.

* * *

It didn't take her very long to find all the security check points. When she was done, Liara had paged her and asked her to return to her office. Liara glanced up as Evelyn entered the room, "Shepard, thank you for getting me that system data. Here, it's not much, but hopefully it will help you on your mission," Liara passed a credit chit across the table. Evelyn pushed it back towards her.

"Really, Liara? You don't need to pay me. I did it for you."

"Please, take it," Liara pushed it back towards Evelyn.

"Is this really what we've become, T'Soni? You have to pay me to work for you," she emphasized the asari's surname causing the young woman across the table to wince. There was a long silence between the two of them. Liara was the first to break. Evelyn saw the shine of tears at the corners of the woman's eyes. She stood up and moved around the table to pull the asari into her arms. When Liara wrapped her arms around Evelyn in return, the human could have sworn her heart skipped a beat. It felt more than right to have her lover in her arms again.

"Evey." Hearing Liara use that name almost brought tears to her own eyes, "believe me when I say, it's been a hard two years. You were...gone. I didn't know what to do." Liara pulled away from the embrace, wiping her eyes as she sat back down at her desk, serious yet again, "Do you remember the Shadow Broker?" Evelyn remained standing next to Liara, slightly shocked she had been able to change moods for quickly, even if her voice was still a little shaky.

"Can we not change the subject, Liara?" her voice was sharp, and it made Liara jump.

"Listen, Shep...Evelyn, let me finish. With the data you got me, I may be able to find information caches from his agents."

"What does that have to do with anything? Are you on the run from the Shadow Broker?" Evelyn looked concerned. If Liara was in trouble, it was no wonder she had to act so strange, "I can help you."

"Actually, it would be more accurate to say that the Shadow Broker is on the run from me," Liara's confident tone with that comment worried Evelyn. "We crossed paths not long after you died. Since then, I've been working to take him down. With this data. I'm a step closer." Evelyn raised an eyebrow at the woman across from her. It hurt to see her like this, this was really not the Liara she knew.

"I've never seen you ready to execute someone in cold blood. What did the Shadow Broker do to you?"

"I was on a job with a friend. The Shadow Broker's people caught us. My friend didn't escape. I don't know if he's dead or being interrogated but I need to find him. I owe him my life. And I need to make the Shadow Broker pay for what he did."

"You can't come with me because you're after the Shadow Broker? What if I can help you find him?" Evelyn reached across the table and took Liara's hand between her own. "We can get your friend back together." Liara's face softened slightly at the gesture.

"I'm sorry, Evelyn. The galaxy doesn't work that way. I need to find leads, trace information. I need to work. I can't do that on the Normandy. I wish I could."

"You don't sound like you want to come with me, Liara. Even if you weren't chasing the Broker," Evelyn pulled her hands away, her gaze was stern, unwavering, much more like a Commander would look at a soldier. The asari had put her through too many emotions today. She was going to get answers now or never. It would kill her to wait any longer.

"I really can't now, Evelyn. That data though, it gave me a target. If you can help me with this last thing..." Liara paused. "If you get this done, I promise I can talk to you." Evelyn leaned back in her chair.

"Tell me what I can do to help," her voice was as stern as her look.

"The data pointed me at logs kept by the Shadow Broker agents. The logs were deleted, but it may be possible to reconstruct some of it. The Shadow Broker is cautious. His agents are referred to only by their title and race."

Nyxeris entered the room at that point, "My inquiries have narrowed the observer down to one of five operatives: a turian, a salarian, a krogan, a batarian, and a vorcha."

"If you can refine the list, I'll know where to strike."

"Alright, Liara. I'll tell you what I find."

"Thank you, Evelyn. When you find something, call me on the radio channel we used in the old days. I can't risk dealing with this in person."

"Talk to you soon, Liara." As Evelyn left, she tried to push it from her mind that Liara really had changed that much. She would do this mission for her, and then, hopefully, Liara wouldn't break her promise.

* * *

Again, hacking the terminals had been an easy job. Evelyn stood in an area out of hearing range of others and paged Liara on her omni-tool. The information was not what she had expected.

"Shepard, did you get any information on the Observer?"

"All five of the suspects are male. The Observer is female. Something's not right, Liara – who gave you this lead?"

"My assistant, Nyxeris. She got the information," realization creeped into Liara's voice. "Nyxeris gave me the information. Nyxeris, can I see you in here for a moment? Evelyn, I'll talk to you later." Evelyn suddenly got concerned. She rushed back to Liara's office, glancing at the desk outside her door, she noticed Nyxeris was gone. It hadn't taken long to get there, but as she entered the room, Liara was calmly sitting at her desk.

"You should've waited for me," Evelyn was not particularly irritated at Liara, she knew what the asari was capable of, but she wished she could've been there to help, just in case, "How was the fight?"

"She was very talented. I imagine that had she been ordered to assassinate me, I'd never have seen her coming. But her barriers needed practice. Practice I'm afraid she won't be getting. Thank you, Shepard. She had some interesting data hidden away. I know you don't want to take money from me, but please, Nyxeris was very well compensated, and you need this more than I do," Liara smiled warmly as she offered the credit chit. Evelyn couldn't say no this time, that smile was just too much, she took it and placed it in her lap.

"What's the next step in your hunt?" Evelyn had to admit, although she was frustrated, she was genuinely curious as to what Liara wanted so badly with the Shadow Broker. Back when they were fighting Saren, she had forwarded some information to him. She knew he had some questionable methods, but he had been against Cerberus, that was enough for her at the time.

"Now, I gather information. Peel away layers of lies, and shine light into the shadows. And when I find the Shadow Broker, I hit him with a biotic field so strong what's left of his body will fit into a coffee cup." Evelyn's eyes widened at the threat. She had never seen Liara so mad.

"That anger can't be just from what you told me. What else happened between you and the Shadow Broker?" Liara sighed and stood up. She turned around and spoke to the window.

"I promised I would talk to you, and I won't break your trust. I already have so little of it from everyone else," she paused and took a deep breath. "Did Cerberus ever tell you how they recovered your body?" Evelyn shook her head no even though Liara wasn't actually watching. Liara continued to talk towards the window, "I gave it to them. I gave you to them, Evelyn. Because they said they could rebuild you. And to do that, I had to take it from the Shadow Broker, who was going to sell your corpse to the Collectors. I just, I couldn't let that happen." Evelyn stood up to join Liara at the window.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before now?" Evelyn didn't understand why Liara had been so hesitant to let her know this information. The underlying anger was present in her voice. Liara looked warily at her.

"Because I screwed up, Evelyn. I barely escaped with my own life. And when I gave you to Cerberus, I told myself I was doing it for you, for a chance to bring you back. But I knew Cerberus would use you for their own business. And I let it happen. Because I couldn't let you go. I...I'm sorry, Evelyn," Liara fell into Evelyn's arms, she had just enough time to react and catch her. Evelyn gently stroked Liara's back, holding her close.

"You did the right thing, Liara. My mission is important. I couldn't do it if you hadn't given me to Cerberus." The young woman in her arms sniffled and pulled back somewhat, their lips so close she could feel Liara's breath. The temptation to kiss her was overwhelming.

"Thank you, I..." she averted her eyes from Evelyn's gaze, the chance to steal a kiss gone. "I was afraid you'd hate me."

"Liara, I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you." For a long while, the two of them just stood there in each others arms. Evelyn's mind was completely clear, she wasn't worrying about Collectors, or Reapers, or the Illusive Man. It was just her and Liara. When the young women in her arms had calmed down, they parted their embrace, "So now you understand why I must destroy the Shadow Broker. For what he did to my friend, and to you, and whatever he's been doing with the Collectors," Liara sat back down, her face was gentle, relaxed. Evelyn leaned against the desk.

"So, now that that's out of the way, can we talk about us?" she reached down and cupped under Liara's chin with a soft smile, tilting her head up to meet her eyes. She frowned when the asari turned away.

"Evelyn, I don't know. It's been a long two years for me. A _very_ long two years. When I turned you over to Cerberus, I had no idea how long it would take. I mourned you all that time, and now you're suddenly back, and I don't...I don't know, Evey."

"Well, it wasn't that long for me, Liara," irritation filled her voice, and she slammed her fist on the desk. Liara stood startled and backed away slightly. After a few moments, Evelyn turned to look out the window, calming somewhat, even appearing a bit sad. "I can't tell you how guilty I feel for leaving you. It's my fault. I should have been more careful. As I, well, before I, you know, died, the only thing I could think of was you, how I wasn't going to see you again, how many things I could have done differently, how I never said..." This time, it was Liara's turn to comfort Evelyn. She reached over and took Evelyn's hand, pulling the woman closer.

"It wasn't your fault. You live a dangerous life, Evelyn. It comes with the territory, that's why...I don't know if I can. If something else were to happen, I just couldn't handle it." Evelyn pulled her hand away.

"I'm sorry that I've been volunteered to save the galaxy, Liara. I'm sorry that I have to put my life at risk every god damn day, but if you remember correctly, it was you who fell for me knowing _full well_ what you were getting yourself into. I'm not even really supposed to get into relationships. You know that right? It's part of my military code. But my god, Liara, you were so fucking beautiful, charming...smart. One of the smartest damn people I knew. Should I regret even telling you how I felt?" The anger in Evelyn's words made the asari nervous. She knew what kind of fighter Evelyn was, a damn good one, and getting on an infiltrator's bad side was _never _a good idea, not that she believe Evelyn would ever attack her. "I loved you, Liara. I didn't regret for one moment joining with you in Union. I didn't want to come here because I was scared of exactly this. You've changed. You really have." She was pacing in front of the desk now. Liara didn't say anything for a while, "Well, are you just going to sit there and stare at me?" There was a fire in Evelyn's eyes that Liara had only seen before they were going in to kill Geth.

"Evelyn," Liara began. "I didn't mean to, I never wanted to upset you. I'm sorry I can't be stronger. I'm sorry I was never a soldier."

"Well, you know what, Liara? I am too!" Liara's mouth dropped at that comment, stunned Evelyn would ever say something like that. "I can't afford to do this right now. There is too much at stake," Evelyn paused for a brief moment before heading out the door, talking as she walked, "I'll let you know if I find any information on the Shadow Broker." She didn't even know why she still cared. She needed to get away from that damn asari, getting the Shadow Broker would just force her to see her again.

When she arrived at Eternity, Garrus was passed out in his seat, not surprising at all really, but Tali got up hurriedly to greet her Commander, "Come on, Shepard. You look rough, I think it's time for that drink." Evelyn hadn't realized how obviously frazzled she looked, but she must have if Tali immediately assumed the worst had happened. The quarian ordered a large drink for her, and she graciously chugged it down. The alcohol hitting her system calmed her nerves. Yeah, she was definitely glad to have brought Garrus and Tali along, even though Garrus was out. Tali and Evelyn talked for some time. She hadn't had a lot of time to talk to Tali since rescuing her, and it was nice to have a normal conversation after the frustration with Liara.

* * *

Liara watched as the door closed. The first person she had ever felt anything for, the one she had given herself up to, had planned a life with, was gone...again. "I love you, too, Evey," she whispered.

* * *

Please review :) I'd love to hear how I'm doing, good or bad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Nos Astra, Illium**

"You know, Shepard, I never really got to thank you for showing up on Haestrom. I don't know if I'd still be here without you," Tali said. "You do so much for everyone. You should really do something for yourself." Evelyn finished the last of her drink before speaking.

"Trust me, Tali. I really wish the job title 'Galaxy's Hero' had some better benefits and vacation days," she gave a small but sad chuckle and shook her head at her own joke. Evelyn looked at the people drinking around her, human and alien alike; she couldn't help but feel responsible for all of them. So many lives were lost during the attack on the Citadel, and she didn't want it to happen again. She knew that next time, the Reapers would claim all or nothing. "There's too many lives at stake. Until this is done, I have to keep going. I don't have time to..." Evelyn tried to push the thoughts of Liara from her mind; it was over. There was no time for her to be in love, settle down, and get away from it all. It wasn't fair to Liara, and it wasn't fair to her. It had to be over. Or that's what she tried to convince herself of. She hadn't realized she had stopped talking, and Tali was looking at her, waiting for her to continue, "Oh sorry. Got lost in thought there for a minute, must be the drink getting to me. We should probably head back. You wanna give me a hand with the dead weight turian over here?" Evelyn smiled making an effort to lighten the mood as she gently poked Garrus who squinted back at her. It took him a while before he realized what was going on.

"Back to the Normandy, Commander?" his voice held every sign of intoxication.

"Yup, time to get up," Evelyn stood and offered a hand to Garrus, but he waved her away and tried to stand up by himself. Tali rushed forward to grab one arm as Evelyn grabbed the other before he could face-plant. It had been a long time since she had drank with Garrus, but she never remembered him being quite _this_ bad. She wondered if something more was going on with him and made a mental note to talk to him about it later. It would be yet another thing to try and keep her mind off a certain asari.

"Thanks," Garrus said as he balanced his weight between the human and quarian. "Guess I had more than I thought."

"You certainly did," Tali commented. Evelyn could tell even through the mask that she was smirking. While she didn't drink, Tali never ceased to garner some amusement from the drunken antics of the others.

**Normandy SR-2**

Evelyn and Tali got Garrus settled into his quarters before heading towards their own beds. They stopped the elevator at engineering first, "0800 tomorrow, Tali. We still have those dossiers to deal with." The quarian nodded.

"Of course, Shepard. I trust you'll be taking someone besides Garrus though," she responded with a small chuckle.

"Hadn't thought about that. How's Mordin?"

"As long as it's not a Cerberus agent. You know how I feel about them, even if they are working for you."

"You know I don't like it any more than you do, Tali. Jacob and Miranda mean well though. You should give them a chance."

"It's really hard for me to put what Cerberus did behind me, Shepard. I know they saved your life, and trust me, I am glad for that," she sighed quietly. "This isn't the time for this. I'm sorry. You're going through a lot, I shouldn't have brought it up. See you in the morning. Try to sleep well."

"It's alright. You have every reason to be skeptical. Good night," the door was about to close but Evelyn pressed the button to stop it. "And Tali, thanks for being there for me today"

"Any time, you know I'm down here if you need me," they parted with a friendly hug before letting the elevator doors close.

Evelyn stepped through the door into her spacious room. Ever since moving onto the new Normandy, she felt a little guilty that she had such a large room compared to everyone else. She especially noticed that it felt even emptier without someone to share it with. It would have been nice to have had a room that large and secluded back on the old Normandy for her and Liara. She sat down in her desk chair, picked up the photo by her computer and placed it in the top drawer, where she wouldn't have to look at it. Sliding over in front of the computer, she checked her messages. There was one from Kelly about scheduling a meeting. Evelyn still hadn't had a real appointment with the yeoman, and with the current situation, she figured it couldn't really hurt. While she had played it off, she had really taken Tali's comment to heart about doing something for herself, and perhaps Kelly would be able to suggest something. Something that wasn't just drinking, which was usually what Evelyn did. She emailed Kelly back to make sure she got to see her after she was finished up on Illium tomorrow.

* * *

Evelyn had just returned from recruiting Samara and Thane on Illium. It had been a crazy day. Then again, how could it not be getting an assassin that was nothing like any assassin she'd ever met and an asari Justicar, something she hadn't even known existed until earlier that day. Both of them had astounded her with their dedication, especially the Justicar who had sworn an oath to Evelyn's service. She had to admit, she really did feel honored by the gesture. The fact that the asari was immensely beautiful, well, she tried not to think about that. It was too soon. Not to mention she had a feeling it might only be because she was an asari, and if it couldn't work out with Liara, it wasn't going to work out with anyone.

As soon as she managed to get the two of them settled somewhere on the ship, she was ready to get out of that port. The farther away she could get from Illium the better. After changing into her civilian garb, discussing with Joker their next destination, and taking a short nap, she was ready for her appointment with Kelly. She approached the yeoman's office and was surprised when the door opened as soon as she got there causing her to almost run into Garrus who was just leaving.

"Evening Shepard," his mandibles flared in a small smile. "Thanks for walking me back to the ship the other night. Sorry for getting so out of control. Listen, would you mind stopping by later? I need to ask you something."

"Of course, Garrus. I'll see you once I'm done with yeoman Chambers," Evelyn said as she stepped by the turian into the office. The door slid shut behind her, and she made her way over to the seat in front of Kelly's desk.

"Evelyn," she started. Kelly was the only one from Cerberus that she had let use her first name, not even Garrus and Tali used it all that often, but she had grown fond of the yeoman, she trusted her. She made sure to talk to her before departing for any of her missions, and she felt that, so far, her advice and studies have been good for the crew. "What did you want to talk about?" Though Evelyn could tell from her eyes that Kelly knew exactly what she was there for.

"I'm sure you already know what happened between Liara and I."

"Well, not the details, but yes. I understand you have...gone your separate ways, for lack of a better term," Kelly said rather bluntly. Evelyn inhaled sharply; yes, she supposed that was an okay way of putting it, but it still stung to hear it acknowledged from someone else so directly.

"Yes, basically. I just feel like...like the whole thing was my fault. I died. I wasn't supposed to die, Kelly. I had so much more to do."

"You still have so much to do," Kelly said. "That's why Cerberus brought you back. They knew you might be the only person who would fight against the Reapers. You're the only one who saw it coming, and you know the Council won't listen."

"I know. I really am grateful for Cerberus bringing me back. It gave me a second chance. For everything," Evelyn looked down at her hands. She could still see some of the implants shining through the skin. "I just wish I could have been given a second chance with Liara, but I obviously fucked that up." Kelly gave Evelyn a knowing look and reached over to take the woman's hands into her own.

"We've all lost someone, Evelyn. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped the Collectors from destroying your ship. You gave your life then to save Joker, and to save almost all of your crew. That was the most anyone could have asked of a soldier. You've already gathered a strong and determined team. You have so much ahead of you. I know how hard it is, but give it some time, and maybe you could talk to her again."

"I don't know if I could do that."

"I've done a lot of psych analysis on all sorts of people from soldiers to civilians, even terrorists, from humans to aliens. I have never met someone as strong willed as you. I don't think anyone else would have survived the Lazarus Project. Focus on the Collectors, get this job done, and fight hard. If you can't be with her, fight for her. If the Reapers aren't stopped, the universe won't get a second chance." Evelyn let that sink in for a minute. Kelly was right. If she couldn't stop the Collectors, she might never get to see Liara, or anyone, ever again.

"You're right, Kelly. Thanks. I think that helped a lot," she wasn't lying. She did feel a lot better, but Evelyn still felt a sort of emptiness, she knew this wasn't going to be simple.

"You know, you once promised you'd catch me if I fell, but it seems I may have beat you to that," she said with a small smirk.

"It seems you did," Evelyn laughed. She suddenly had an idea, "So, I could use some fun tonight after all this mess. You want to come up to my room for some dinner? It's been a long while since I've had a girls 'night out.'"

"I'd love that. Can I meet you there in a half hour or so? I have some things to finish up."

"Sure. See you then," Evelyn smiled and departed. She was looking forward to spending some time with Kelly. She hadn't really had a female human to hang out with in some time. She hadn't really gotten to know Kasumi, but the woman seemed pretty happy to be secretive so she hadn't particularly tried, and she did have Tali of course, but the young quarian didn't always understand human ways. She was glad Kelly had accepted her invitation.

Evelyn had brought up some of the dinner the mess sergeant had made, grilled chicken and sautéed vegetables. She was glad she had made the effort to pick up the ingredients from the Citadel when she stopped by. The food had really improved since then. She had also brought a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy, a drink she had become fond of after trying it with Dr. Chakwas. Kelly showed up right on time, and Evelyn stood to open the door.

"Hey Evelyn, I grabbed a six-pack from the fridge and some movies," the red-head smiled.

"Great! I haven't sat down to a good movie in far too long. Let's eat first though. I have dinner all set," Evelyn lead Kelly over to the table and pulled out the chair for her.

"Thank you," she smiled warmly. Evelyn took her own seat and reached down to uncork the brandy and pour it into the glasses. She lifted her own glass towards Kelley.

"A toast, to life and to moving on," the glasses met with a light tink. Kelly took a small sip and Evelyn downed hers in one gulp. Kelly looked over the table with concern.

"I know that you, of all people, can handle it Evelyn, but you really shouldn't drink like that," Kelly knew she was treading on thin ice making a comment like that. There was a long pause as Evelyn took a few bites of food. She knew Kelly was right, but it was the first time someone had ever even said something about that to her. When she was around other soldiers, it was always a contest. It was what she was accustomed to; it was how pretty much everyone she ever knew would wind down after a day of fighting. She couldn't remember the last time she had really spent time with anyone not sharing the battlefield with her.

"I know," Evelyn said. The surprised reaction she got to that made her chuckle slightly, "Not what you were expecting me to say, but I am aware of it, and it gets worse when I have to deal with something like..." Kelly nodded knowingly.

"Hey, let's not get into this here. I'm sorry I mentioned it. This is an excellent dinner, so let's enjoy it," Evelyn nodded in agreement and poured herself another glass of brandy. Over the rest of dinner, Kelly listened intently as Evelyn told stories from her last trip on the Alliance Normandy. Kelly had heard most of it before, but it was just glossed over. To get it from the source made it much more interesting. Evelyn decided to skip over the part about meeting Liara. She didn't need to bring that up now.

When dinner was done, they moved over to the couch with the pack of beer. Evelyn put in the movie, but they didn't really spend much time watching it.

"My parents were both in the military. I pretty much spent all of my time on military ships. Most of the other kids hated it, but I loved being able to see so many different planets. My mother home schooled me, and when I wasn't doing lessons, I was sneaking off into the ship's shooting range and practicing. I wasn't really old enough to be in there, and I most definitely got in trouble a few times," Evelyn and Kelly shared a laugh at that, "but when it came time in a few years to take my tests and go to boot camp, I passed with flying colors. I had more experience with a gun than most of the new recruits coming in, which is why they moved me to Infiltrator training. Not that I minded, sniper rifles were always my forte. And that was pretty much my entire life. I've honestly never wanted to be anything else, and I've never regretted it."

"I would have loved traveling like that too. I felt so limited on my colony. I mean, sure, we had a great education system, and I loved the time I spent in college there, but I always wanted to see more. I had a fascination with alien life and foreign planets for as long as I can remember."

"So what brought you here?"

"At graduation, organizations were recruiting students. Cerberus was one of them. I had heard about some of their questionable morals, you know, news stories and the like, but I loved that they were open to non-humans. When they accepted my resume, they let me take classes on alien psychologies, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do from there. I never thought I'd end up as a yeoman though. I was pretty happy in my office at a Cerberus facility on my colony planet, taking in and helping whoever they sent to me, but they came to me with an urgent mission. The urgent mission being an opening on this ship. I guess they knew the crew you'd be collecting would probably need someone like me at some point."

"Well, you've certainly helped me," Evelyn turned towards the other woman and smiled. She hadn't really thought about how close she had moved in next to Kelly as they were talking, but when she turned her head, she was just inches from Kelly's face. The bottle of brandy was empty, and the six pack was gone, and Evelyn was certainly not entirely sober at that point. When she had first started talking to Kelly, she had done some mild flirting that was most definitely not one-sided, and right now seemed like a perfect opportunity to do something more. Kelly seemed to think otherwise.

"Shepard," she said sharply. The use of her last name brought Evelyn to attention. "The fact that you invited me up here was very flattering, and you have no idea how tempting going further is, but I assure you, this is not the time for you to be doing this. Not so soon." That triggered something in her because Evelyn couldn't stop the tears that started coming. It was the first time she had let her guard down. Kelly had certainly helped a lot, but it still hurt, and it felt good to finally let it out. Kelly moved towards Evelyn and wrapped her arms around her. Normally Evelyn would have been upset that someone was seeing her like this, but she found it strangely comforting to actually have someone holding her again.

She really couldn't think of the last time someone had been there for her in a situation like this, mostly because she had never really been in a similar situation. There was one time back when she had a crush on some girl, and her mother had to tell her the difficult truth that not all girls were like her, and that most of them liked boys. She had dated a few women since then, but nothing was ever that serious. It couldn't be when she traveled so much. Not until Liara came along.

Kelly stayed with her for a while, got her tissues, and talked to her until she was able to calm down some. By that time, the movie was long over, it was late, and Evelyn was ready to sleep. She thanked Kelly with a sincere hug and wished her good night, but while Evelyn had stopped crying, her mind was still unsettled. She had trouble sleeping that night.

_Evelyn entered her quarters, battered and dirty from a day of fighting; as she rounded the corner towards the bathroom for a shower, she was met by an asari at her desk. The woman was observing a photo, the one that Evelyn had turned over. The woman turned around, and Evelyn was met with a teary eyed Liara._

_"You turned my photo down," she said._

_"I couldn't stand to look at it after what happened," Evelyn was honest, but she tried to remain unphased. She didn't want to admit right now that the presence of the asari so suddenly in her bedroom was shattering her resolve._

_"I thought about what you said," there were no more words as Liara approached Evelyn. Blue hands reached up to caress the dirt and blood stained face as Liara's eyes remained locked with Evelyn's, filled with a mixture of sadness and longing. Evelyn knew she wouldn't be able to resist anything this woman was thinking about doing, not with a look like that. She also wasn't going to lie to herself and say she didn't want whatever Liara was willing to give her._

_Liara took a step closer, their bodies now pressed up against one another, and wrapped her arms around Evelyn. It felt instinctual for Evelyn to return the embrace, her arms wrapping around Liara's waist without a second thought._

_Evelyn's hand trailed up the side of Liara's body, brushing over her breast, causing the other to gasp, before reaching around her neck, gently teasing her fingertips over the area below the asari's head ridges that she knew was so sensitive. Liara let out a soft moan, her embrace tightening as she tensed from the spike of pleasure._

_Liara leaned up and caught Evelyn's lips in a fiery kiss..._

Evelyn shot awake as her alarm went off. She laid there, staring at the other side of the bed where someone could be, should be. Her dreams had been filled with images of Liara, memories, wishes; she thought about going back to see Kelly about it, but she wasn't in the mood to talk about anything relating to Liara right now. She needed a distraction. Her first thought was to visit Kasumi and the bar in her quarters, but after her talk last night, she decided against that too. She needed something quiet, something relaxing. She remembered Samara was quite intent on meditation, maybe spending some time with her would help. Evelyn had never tried meditation, but it certainly wasn't due to an aversion towards it. Maybe it would help.

After getting dressed, grabbing a quick bite to eat, and chatting with some of the crew, she headed in the direction of the observation deck.


	4. Chapter 4

**Normandy SR-2**

Evelyn let the observation room door open for her and stepped inside. Samara was sitting cross-legged, a glowing ball of biotic energy balanced in her hands. Evelyn was unsure if her entrance was going to disturb Samara, but as she was about to step back out and reconsider, the woman spoke, "Shepard." Her voice was calm, focused. Everything Evelyn wished she could be.

"I don't mean to intrude. I was hoping we could...talk."

"It has been four-hundred years since I have had a comrade. Conversation would be welcome," Samara's blue glow subsided, and she let the ball dissipate as she gestured to the spot next to her. "I apologize if I am a little rusty." Evelyn took the offered seat on the floor beside the asari. She had to admit that Samara may very well have picked one of the best rooms on the ship. The view of the stars was stunning. She already felt calmer.

"You said you were a Justicar. I hadn't heard of those before," she wasn't quite ready to bring up the topic of her own problems yet.

"Yes, they are rare. I am not surprised you have not heard of us. While stories of our adventures are told among the asari, most are exaggerated and few asari ever see a Justicar in person. The training is rigorous and dangerous. Many do not survive."

"That sounds similar to Marines Corps training; well, except for the fact that people give up before they die, and there aren't nearly as few of us," Evelyn smiled to herself remembering her time in boot camp. It was tough, but it was worth it.

"In a way, Justicars are similar. I studied your culture, among others, throughout my years. I understand the Marines share a code. We, too, have a Code, but it is much more strict than your own. It contains over five-thousand sutras, all of which I have memorized, that cover any situation I may come across. If justice is to be served, I will serve it without reserve based on this Code. There is no room for negotiation. We are much more like the knights from your Medieval history or samurai warriors."

"Is that why you had to swear that oath back on Illium?"

"Yes, but based on your reputation, I do not believe that you should have any reason to worry about my Code interfering with your own choices. However, I have a feeling you are not here to continue discussing Justicars. There is something on your mind. I am willing to hear it if you are willing to share." Evelyn was taken aback by the Justicar's intuition.

"Is it that obvious?" but she supposed it had to be obvious that something was bothering her. It was all she could think about lately. She was sure everyone knew that that the Commander was not at her best the last few days.

"It may not be as obvious as you think, but I can see it in your eyes. There is a sense of loss," the way Samara maintained her calm, cool tones was relaxing to Evelyn. She felt that if anyone could help her right now, it would be the Justicar. Not that Kelly didn't help her, but no human could compare to the hundreds of years of wisdom a Justicar would have.

"Well, I was dead for two years, but honestly, it feels like only days to me. It's like I died yesterday, and I woke up, and everything is different. I was in the Alliance military, and now," Evelyn let out a short laugh, "now I'm working for Cerberus. That certainly wasn't my choice, but I owe them. I guess things didn't quite work out the way I had hoped when we saw each other again." Samara nodded solemnly, and Evelyn swore for a moment she saw a longing, a sadness, flicker in the asari's eyes, then it was gone. She couldn't help but wonder what Samara had given up to become a Justicar.

"Did you know him for long?"

"Heh, actually, I only knew her for a few weeks, but she was different than anyone I'd ever been with. Not just because she was an asari," Evelyn paused and caught a glimpse of surprise in the other's eyes at the mention of another asari.

"I was unaware that cross-species relationships were allowed within the military, let alone between those of the same sex."

"Those are laws that were done away with a century ago. I imagine at the time you did study us, they may have still been true. Technically, there is a rule of no 'fraternization' among shipmates, but Liara was not a member of the Alliance. It was a loophole, and we certainly exploited that," Evelyn chuckled. She couldn't help but smile at the memories just thinking about her short time with Liara brought back. They would have Garrus stand guard outside the crew quarters making sure they weren't disturbed. Joker would find out and try to interrupt them on the comm. "Not that everyone approved of our relationship, but that's a different story. Are there rules among the Justicars regarding relationships?"

"It may come as a surprise that there are not. I choose to abstain, however. I cannot afford to love when our Code is so black and white. I may be forced to kill the one I love. I cannot afford to let people get too close. The less I know about them, the better. There are no loopholes."

"That must be hard. Don't you get lonely?"

"As I said, I gave up much when I became a Justicar. You may ask if it was worth it, and I would say yes."

"I couldn't imagine putting my life on the line and not having someone to live for. Even now, a suicide mission is on the horizon, and I want to win, not just for me, but for her, and for everyone. I have to come back. I can't..." Evelyn's vision began to blur as she tried to stop herself from crying. "I can't leave her alone again."

"It is a harsh reality that we all must die. We asari know this better than anyone. You defied that Shepard," Samara reached over and placed her hand gingerly under Evelyn's chin turning the human towards her to make sure she was listening. "I will be blunt. It will not be easy, but you must let go for now. If she cares about you, she will realize it in time. You, however, have something greater to focus on. You already said it yourself. It is a rare occasion that the fate of so many lies on the shoulders of one," when Samara placed her hand back in her lap, Evelyn remained fixed on the asari. Kelly was right. Until then, she hadn't gotten a good look at the Justicar, but she was beautiful. "Would you like to meditate with me? I believe that it will help."

"I...actually, I would. It was the reason I came down here to begin with," she blinked back the tears and took a deep breath. Samara nodded.

"Good. I will be glad for the company. When I meditate, I choose to focus on my biotics to clear my mind. As you do not share these abilities, I recommend finding a memory to relax into. When you can clear it of people, you will find peace within the emptiness. When you break from the meditation, you can begin anew. The more you practice, the easier it becomes, and the less burdened you become." Evelyn nodded in understanding. She watched as Samara flared blue yet again, the glowing ball forming in her hands, her eyes closed. Evelyn attempted to emulate the position as closely as possible, she sat cross-legged, her hands laying on her knees, and her eyes closed.

She envisioned a forest. It was the forest on a colony planet her parents were visiting on shore leave. It was the first time she had stepped foot outside of a military vessel since she was five years old. She had family there, aunts and uncles. She met her first girlfriend there, and she shared her first kiss in those woods. She saw herself, young, only fifteen. Her hair was longer then, it danced in the wind behind her as she ran through the trees. Following her was another girl, the same age. They stopped suddenly by a large oak tree, both of them panting from a long run. The other girl stepped towards Evelyn, taking her hands and pulling her in close. Their lips met, their arms wrapped around one another, and then it was over. Evelyn was blushing, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. She looked down at the ground, and when she looked back up, the girl was gone. She laid down on the still wet leaves from a rain the day before and stared up through the trees. The sunlight filtered through the leaves and made patterns among the branches as it reflected off the rain drops. She inhaled deeply, enjoying the natural scents the woods provided and the feeling of warm sunlight.

In what felt like no time at all, Evelyn felt a hand on her shoulder. For a moment, she caught a glimpse of her mother, then the vision faded and she realized it was Samara.

"How do you feel?" Samara asked.

"I feel...better. A lot better in fact," Evelyn smiled, and then glanced down at the watch on her wrist. "Three hours? I was here for three hours?" The serene look on Samara's face broke and she let a smirk play across her face. Evelyn had a feeling she had been graced with an emotion the Justicar did not usually let show.

"That is how many people react to their first session. You can lose yourself so easily. I take it you found a place to go?"

"I did. A place from a long time ago," Evelyn was surprised at the calmness in her own voice. She had been on the verge of a breakdown just a few hours ago. She felt she would have broken down again if one person had said the wrong thing, but after that, she felt a change within her.

"I am glad. You are welcome to join me daily if you would like. For meditation or to talk. I have enjoyed your company, Shepard. Thank you for coming by," with that, Samara turned back towards the stars and closed her eyes. Evelyn took that as her cue to leave. She would go to CIC and see if Kelly had any news for her. The crew had seemed restless since completing the mission on Horizon, and she felt like she was ready to deal with other people's problems now.

* * *

Evelyn would have never guessed how much was really going on with her squad mates. Jacob had a missing father. Miranda had a sister she had to keep hidden away. Mordin had held back about the genophage and now had an old friend to rescue. She wasn't particularly surprised by Jack's desire to blow up the facility she was raised in, however. That was the only request she would have expected. She figured it was best to get some of these issues out of the way so that, like her, they could all move on with their lives and focus on the mission. At least Evelyn felt she was no longer alone in her troubles.

Since she had woken up from the Lazarus Project, Liara had been all she could think about. She remembered gunning down Collectors on Horizon, but it had just felt robotic. Every kill was simply muscle memory and highly trained reaction time. She had been concerned about the colonists, of course, and she had been happy to see Ashley, but the reaction she received from her had certainly messed with how she expected Liara to react. With all that nonsense, she felt like she had been dragging the crew down, but she never stopped to think that perhaps it was their own problems having an affect. She was always too quick to blame herself.

The last person Kelly had mentioned wanting to see her was Garrus. She had been worried about him since his recruitment. He looked weary, and she could tell it was from much more than just the shot he took. She knew only what he had mentioned about losing his squad because a team mate named Sidonis betrayed him. She was glad that he was finally ready to talk to her more about it. Evelyn considered him one of her best friends after all. The door to the main battery room opened for her, and as expected, Garrus was there toiling over the Normandy's weapon computer systems.

"Garrus, you wanted to see me."

"Yes," he immediately stopped his work and turned around. "There is something important I need to ask you to do. You remember what I said about Sidonis?" Evelyn nodded. Garrus was pacing back and forth in front of her, obviously this had riled him. "Well, I found a lead on his location. I may finally have an opportunity to get revenge."

"We can make time to go get him. You know I'll do anything to help you Garrus. I can even have Joker set the coordinates right now. Where do you need to go?"

"There is a contact on the Citadel named 'Fade' who I believe is helping to hide him. If we can find him, we can get the information on Sidonis's location, and then we can strike."

"Then we go to the Citadel."

"Thanks, Shepard," Garrus smiled the best a turian can.

"You've gone through hell and back with me, Garrus, and we're about to do it again, and you still stick around. How could I say no?" Evelyn returned the smile and turned to leave. "I'll go tell Joker. The trip shouldn't be too long."

* * *

It had taken the next week, but she had managed to help out everyone who needed it. Between traveling, Evelyn had made time to visit Samara daily and mediate. They would talk, and they would meditate, and Evelyn's mood would improve significantly. Since the visits with the Justicar, she hadn't had a single dream about Liara.

She was making her daily rounds, talking with and checking up on her crew. Evelyn had allowed Garrus to get his shot on Sidonis which had made him feel better, softened him even, and he was drinking less. She had shared a moment with Miranda that she hadn't expected when she insisted that the woman go and actually speak with her sister. She had spent an hour in Miranda's cabin after that just talking, and for the first time, Evelyn began to feel that she could trust her, despite Miranda being a Cerberus agent, and a dedicated one at that. Jacob and Mordin had not expected what they found, a father gone mad and a colleague turned wrong, but they were both at least given closure. In general, the ship was in high spirits. Things were going well. As well as preparing for a suicide mission could go.

Her last stop was always the observation deck so that she could dedicate most of her time to Samara. She took her usual seat beside the asari. Usually, Samara would simply acknowledge her and continue her meditations, and Evelyn would join, but Samara broke her concentration and stood. Unsure of what was going on, Evelyn joined the Justicar in front of the window.

"Shepard, I must ask for your help. That is not easy for me."

"Take your time. You have certainly helped me. I'm glad to be able to offer help in return"

"The information you have obtained has allowed me to track the fugitive I've been chasing. She has been going by the name 'Morinth.' I know I promised you that this would not get in the way of your mission, but it is the closest I have ever been. I would like to apprehend her before she disappears again," Samara did not look in Evelyn's direction. She remained looking out the observation window. Despite her cool manner, the Justicar had never seemed so distant. Evelyn knew that this fugitive was why Samara had become a Justicar in the first place. They had time while the Illusive Man was still gathering intelligence for them. There was no reason for Evelyn to turn down helping the woman who had done so much for her.

"Where is she?"

"She is on Omega. At a night club called 'Afterlife' which seems the perfect place for her to hunt. She is an Ardat-Yakshi. It is a term from a dead asari dialect for 'demon of the night winds.' This is mythology. She is simply a very dangerous woman who kills without mercy."

"She can't be just a simple murderer if you've chased her for this long."

"You are correct. She has a rare genetic condition. When she mates with you, there is no gentle melding of nervous systems. She overpowers yours, burns it out, hemorrhages your brain. You end up a mindless cell, and soon after, you are dead. Unfortunately, the disease only becomes known at maturity when it is too late to cure it. She is offered a life of seclusion and comfort. If she refuses, it shows she has given in to the addiction of killing her mates. Her power grows, and she becomes more dangerous. The more she does it, the more she needs to do it There is no redemption for such a person."

"I agree. We will find her."

"Thank you, Commander. There are no words to express what this means to me."

"You have given me peace these last few days. All I can offer is the same in return. We'll set a course for Omega now," Evelyn began to head towards the door.

"There is one thing more. This creature. This monster. She is my daughter," Evelyn stopped and turned back towards the Justicar.

"I cannot imagine what this is like for you," she reached out to comfort the other woman, but Samara stepped back.

"I do not want pity, Shepard. I do not accept it. My daughter's condition is my fault, and my redemption lies in killing her. I simply ask that you understand my situation."

"We'll go there now," Evelyn nodded in Samara's direction and turned to leave once more. She noticed that Samara stayed at the window instead of returning to her meditations as usual. This had to be bothering her more than she wanted to admit. She now finally understood the pain she had seen in the Justicar's eyes the first time they spoke, but she couldn't even begin to try and relate to it. She would do whatever it took to help her. After spending every day with the asari, she had developed a close bond with the Justicar. She felt she owed her a great deal.

What Evelyn didn't want to admit to herself was that perhaps she was falling for this asari who had to be completely uninterested.

* * *

A/N: I am not even going to try and pretend that I will update this soon. This took me, as you can see, a long time to get around to. No more excuses from me. I will update when I can. Thanks to everyone who has waited and watched and favorited. I may never have even made it this far without you all. I say again that I don't have a beta, so I apologize for any typos. I'll fix them as I find them.


End file.
